1. Concentrated love-bombing to make you see the error of your ways.
After the initial disbelief there will usually be either
4. All of the above.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Why The Narcissist Starts Caring When You Stop
The initial reaction is usually total disbelief. They think you're trying to play a “silent treatment” game on them or somehow make them 'look bad' or somehow 'ruin their day' or somehow 'hurt' their 'feelings' or somehow trying to 'control' them or somehow being'selfish', and they 'just can't believe how much you've changed'. What the hell is wrong with YOU? How could YOU be so cold and uncaring after all I've done for you/given up for you/nice as I've been to you/all I've been through for you/all I've been through because of you/how could YOU treat ME like this? Your only reaction to ME is that you "don't care.". EVERYBODY 'loves ME'. You're not even human. EVERYBODY told ME you were like that. I should have known. I've been willing to give you ONE MORE CHANCE to show some respect and care for my feelings, even though you're a worthless, inhuman, uncaring, self-centered piece of shit who nobody cares anything about but ME.
2. Extremely focused rages and backstabbing to make other people see the error of your ways.
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10 Things That Will Happen During a Narcissistic Collapse
The disbelief is not in that you 'no longer care'; the disbelief is in that it's THEM you 'no longer care' FOR or ABOUT. All of those games, manipulations, rages, talks, etc. were supposed to make you 'no longer care', but it was YOU and everybody around YOU that YOU were supposed to 'no longer care' about.
Some reading suggestions:
Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?
3. Totally ignoring you as long as you have totally disappeared from THEIR world.
It's good to get one of those morale-boosting, self-esteem-elevating, motivational pep talks from the narcissist. You've probably already had several of these 'talks' from the narcissist. The narcissist seems to have no conception that these "talks', punishments, silent treatments, word games, head games, rages, apologies that meant nothing, promises to change that were actually kept except the changes were always worse for you, games with rules only the narcissist knows and only the narcissist can change, being backstabbed, degraded, and insulted by the narcissist are the reason that YOU 'no longer care'.
